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|A week of highs and the smack the low hits|
It has been a week ending on a very sour note. Having been a firefighter, I have learned to compartmentalize things to do those things needed to save a life or property. You learn to unpack those compartments and deal with the feelings at a later time when you can process them. This ability works great at the moment but later can smack you down. This week was an excellent example of the latter.
Earlier this week, I obtained a window AC for babygirl to help with the cooling at her place. I had a plan that worked well and secured the unit and the window from unauthorized openings. There was a bunch of sweat and a little blood in addition to a smashed thumb. Babygirl was delighted, and therefore I was ecstatic. She was happy as it cooled her room down, where the central AC was not up to par for the west-facing wall. The smashed thumb was my fault and still throbs today. The minor blood was from a scratch from her dog attempting to jump on the bed and slid off, raking my leg with her claws. It’s all good.
I had an all-day window to escape on Thursday, and babygirl made herself available to be with me. These windows are few and far between these last couple of months. Note that we often spend time together for lunch or one of our photo adventures. Being photography is one of our shared passions, and we enjoy these adventures, whether being a museum, art show, or even a protest. This time we decided to lock ourselves away from the world in a room for some much-needed intimate time.
Knowing we have a knack for some hilarious and sometimes painful results, such as her broken toe resulting from our antics, we decided to instill some rules…no dying, no broken bones, no blood, etc., as we laughed about it. We still laugh about all these mishaps and funny moments together. Note to others: be sure to tie your sub to the bed, so they don’t fall off.
We usually drink whiskey, sit on the couch, and chat about things, life, and such as a way to wind down and level set ourselves. There are always laughs and touching of each other before we take a shower to start things off. It’s funny that we are always talking, but we take this time every time. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, it’s a ritual.
As we head to the shower, babygirl comments on her puppy, Roe, to which I mimick the snorting sound he makes that makes her and I almost fall to the floor laughing. Such is our goofiness that is one of our connections.
I had purchased carabiners to augment my restraints, not the usual big lot store snappy ones that don’t lock but ones with a locking barrel. These are still lightweight carabiners. I used these to attach babygirls wrist cuffs to her ankle cuffs. Let it be known, that babygirl has some intense orgasms, such that after one of our sessions, she is sore from the muscle contractions. That day she broke a carabiner in the throes of an orgasm. That didn’t stop me from pushing that button again, as I tend to do. So I did, and as she wrapped her legs around my head on her way to the next one, she bumped my eye, dislodging my contact lens. Being the gentleman I am, I continued to bring on the next wave while watching where the contact was in the sheets. After she starts to wane from the waves of ecstasy, I roll her over to find the lens under her leg and between two folds of the sheet.
At this point, my face, mouth, hands, and fingers were covered with her nectar. I picked up the contact lens and headed to the bathroom to clean up, and turned to her to say in my usual silly manner. I must clean up because pussy juice in the eye is bad. She busts out laughing at the comment. As I am cleaning up, I hear her making a Snapchat post about how daddy says pussy juice in the eye is bad.
We continue for a while as we dismantle the bed as we tend to do during our activities. The time approaches the point we have to check out, so we shower again and clean/repack the duffel bag. We were so spent we ordered takeout food on the way back to her place. On the way to her home, she crawls into the truck’s back seat to lie down. The takeout food was consumed before we laid down for a nap. We were wiped out both physically and mentally.
I couldn’t fall asleep, knowing I had to leave before long to make my hour-long drive home. It is always a drop for me after spending a day with babygirl when I go. The drop in our energy level is like the end of an adrenaline rush where you crash. I stroked her head and kissed her lightly to wake her up from the nap enough to understand I was leaving. I would not just up and go since that can trigger abandonment issues for many subs.
I connected to work Friday morning and got slammed by several people on things that had to get done project-wise, so the morning was frantic. I did have a fantastic sleep, and my body was still recovering from the resultant soreness and stiffness following one of our more vigorous sessions. Such that the brain still hadn’t fully engaged yet.
Then the elephant entered the room. It was determined that we needed to put Zeus down before we left on vacation so my daughter wouldn’t have to deal with his demise while we were gone. In my personal life, we have three dogs, one of which is ill and not expected to live much longer with an upcoming vacation with a daughter watching the house. The topic has been discussed before, but nothing ever came of it, so we set a date for Sunday to help him over the rainbow.
Now, this is where the unpacking or failure to unpack feelings around an event will bite you. I have had to put down other fur babies before. All neatly packed away in their compartment. I thought I had unpacked them and processed them to find out I had not or never did a thorough job of it. All the grief came flooding out to mix with this situation. Added in was grief from my parent’s passing most recent was my father earlier this year. I quickly went down a dark hole. Babygirl knew this was coming as we talked about it as a probability.
babygirl did a fantastic job checking on me and ensuring I was alright throughout the day. Granted, it was all via text as babygirl lives so far away. Babygirl is my rock when I need it. I have been an emotional wreck all day. Sunday will torment me as I have to put Zeus down and bury him near his mother.
Doms need care. Daddy Doms need care from the lg at times. It is crucial to the connection and the bond. Sunday will tell, I will be a wreck, and I may visit babygirl for some cuddles and the like.
Today was a serious downer to where I hid in a back room in the dark for a while. I wasn’t as responsive to her texts and did not follow our rituals there. She knew I was hurting, which goes back to the post on communication as a ritual.
It is now Saturday, and the timeline has moved up as Zeus was deteriorating. I have been on an emotional roller coaster as every little thing that impedes my ability to prepare pushes me over. The unplanned trip to the hardware store for a pickaxe took its toll on me. The clay soil down below the sand surface is tough to dig through. It was hard like a rock with all the heat and lack of rain. Working out in the 100+ degree heat and glaring sun forced me to take many breaks as I did not want to tell babygirl I was stupid and didn’t take care of myself.
When the time came, I became apparent with another obstacle. The neighbors behind us were having a large family gathering with a bounce house, many kids and adults just across the fence where use was to be buried. To top it off, the neighbors to the east were out with their grandkids. The situation necessitated changing how things were performed and not having a spectacle.
So I put Zeus down after saying goodbye to Zeus for babygirl and saying my goodbyes. Then had to use a wheelbarrow to move him to the gravesite. The final covering up of the grave happened after dark with light from the party lights next door.
This activity triggered a rollercoaster of emotions. I had gone back into firefighter mode for this. Thus I had packed away those emotions so that I could function. I had to go back to neaten the grave when I could see it Sunday morning. After several unsuccessful attempts to distract myself, I decided it was time to get some time and space away from the house so that I could process everything.
babygirl and I had planned a chance to spend time together where she distracted me for several hours with shopping and a wonderful dinner. She held my head in her lap, helping me center myself before we went shopping and out for dinner. As usual, we ordered two separate plates and then shared our food. This practice is intimate on some level but is part of our rituals.
I am in a much better place now. babygirl has gone above and beyond yet again to see to my mental well-being. We are a team with a special bond that enhances our DD/lg role.
Cherish your sub for as much as you do as a DD, and they need to be able to do the same for you. Part of the dynamic is essential to making things work. I’d be in a dark place if it weren’t for babygirl. I wasn’t getting the support I needed at home.
babygirl knows how special she is to me, as I tell her often.
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