The last couple of weeks on vacation have been an emotional rollercoaster for babygirl and me. Before I delve into that, I would like to add a little background on my side for a better perspective on this post and the prior blog postings.
I am married to a very conservative vanilla woman who does not nor will attempt to understand BDSM. Every topic of conversation turns into a lecture meant to belittle me somehow. babygirl, and I call her eyes since she always has eyes on me. Eyes take every opportunity to torment me repeatedly over silly or stupid things. My recent vacation had some great options for my love of photography, but I get hammered by eyes since I get into my zone when the camera is in hand. babygirl loves it when I am in my zone, as she tells me that often. So during the trip, the chances I had to communicate with babygirl were further hampered by having to be discrete during those few fleeting chances to send her a message when I could get cell phone signal with eyes nearby.
In my opinion, the human body and the mind like to have structure to function well in repeatable patterns where things are expected to occur regularly. If this structure is broken, you have stress. A good amount of stress causes your mind to do something to combat the stress. The primal side of your mind has a protection mechanism called fight or flight. It is a survival trait in all animals for self-preservation. A side effect is that your mind’s “evil side” starts to interject doubt, worry, and other thoughts that don’t help the situation. In our case, the “evil side” was working overtime.
After talking to babygirl after I returned, I knew she had similar issues. The stress from the regular daily communication between babygirl and myself being disrupted instilled a tremendous amount of stress in me as it did to her. It impacted my ability to function at several points of that trip segment.
babygirl and I did not fully understand the depth of the disconnect as about a week after I returned, things went bump. The disconnect was still there and very raw. It took us a couple of days to sort it out, during which time I honestly thought I had lost babygirl. I was devastated until we had a chance to talk further.
This vacation was hard on the two of us in so many ways. It was hard being so far apart, even though we could still communicate until the last segment in the mountains, where communication was non-existent. I feel we are more robust now than before. I value the connection I have with babygirl more than she knows. Our honest and open communication has gone a long way to healing our disconnect. babygirl has since come to me for things she has never done before. It warms my heart that she can do that now.
Open and honest communication is so important whether you are a Dom or a sub. You have to have that pipeline to express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and needs. When that avenue is closed due to circumstances, you need to be able to re-open it quickly. Since we are in a DD/lg relationship, communication is crucial. It was a tough trip going in, and tougher when I got back when we discovered the disconnect.
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