It’s so Stupid

This incredible connection I have with babygirl has a vital component wrapped around communication. I communicate with babygirl on levels I have never shared with anyone before, and it is so natural and fluid. One aspect allowing this is our texting as we share our day. This connection is so unique on so many levels.

Remember that we both have separate lives, which is a way we keep each other sane on many levels due to our distance. We each have our own space, but ourspace is when we are together. Time has its own pace in ourspace. Ourspace is a magical place when we are together, whether for dinner, time to chill, a photo adventure, or even time behind closed doors.

We are, at times, brutally honest about how we feel about things. Knowing how the other is doing and the ability to gauge their emotional state of mind is essential to both of us. These are part of our usual daily rituals. 

There was a longer than normal excursion to visit some high school friends that I do each summer. There was a place planned in the mountains with a fantastic cabin alongside a flowing creek with my high school friends for a week. I was also obliged to drop by my daughter’s place for my grandson’s birthday. I made the trip known to babygirl well in advance as it would be two weeks in length. We knew we could still do our daily checks and chat.

Babygirl and I knew the physical separation would tax us both as we have a number of days where we must see each other, or we get anxious for the lack of physical contact, be it dinner or even dropping by for a hug and time to chill. This trip was going to push our limits, and we knew it.

Well, the last stage took me to the mountains of North Carolina. The trip was going well, but we could feel the distance, which was well known to both of us. We both voiced how it seemed we were so far apart physically, and our bodies could sense it. Unknown to me until I arrived, there was no cell phone service or internet available at the cabin. I had no way to communicate with her until I drove into town.

I made a trip into town to let her know and to explain it. babygirl is a trooper. I don’t know what I have done to deserve her as she is golden. I know she is upset, as am I. I keep checking my phone for messages throughout the days, knowing I can’t get them in many parts of the mountain area. I am in a severe funk.

The cabin is on a mountainside with a stream running beside the back porch. It kills me that I can’t share that with babygirl and the many things I have experienced on this trip. 

I miss her so bad as I know she does me. Not being able to tell each other good night or good morning is killing me. It is stupid on so many levels. Not having our rituals in play put a heavy burden on us.

One of the things we enjoy is photo adventures; whether at a museum, an art show, or even a protest, we know the other is just over our shoulder, watching our back. I have seen so many beautiful things this trip and keep looking over my shoulder out of habit, and babygirl is not there. That is devastating to me.

Now we can’t even have our usual evening conversation. I am beside myself with guilt for being away from babygirl. I know babygirl is upset but is taking it in stride. The no communication part was a surprise to both of us. It is tearing me apart inside. While we know, it is not an abandonment that babygirl fears, the lack of communication can let that evil side inject those feelings. 

I considered moving up my departure to get to my house where ourspace exists more regularly. We have a day planned after I get back where it is just the two of us in ourspace where were are at peace and comfortable, where we can recharge our souls. 

One week we are separated by 1000 miles but being able to communicate is tough. Adding another 300 miles and limited to no communication for another week is challenging. 

In the end, our bond will be stronger, and our connection will be stronger. It will tear me apart until I return to where communication is resumed. 

babygirl is so special to me. I express it so often to babygirl to ensure she knows. Even that is delayed until I can drive into town once or twice a day. Our responses show we miss each other so much and there is nothing we can do during this period. We are both sad.

It was now the last day at the cabin, so I sent babygirl a message to tell her goodnight when I went out of cell phone range. Since then, I have typed up a message about it being the stupid last night of disconnection and how sad I felt. She won’t receive it until tomorrow morning when I leave.

All relationships have trials and tribulations; this trial is the most stressful we have encountered. I know babygirl’s little side is angry that daddy isn’t there when I get the “I’ve done all my chores, and I’m bored” followed by “Daddy” in her pouty little way that melts my heart. I can hear it with her voice plain as day.

To further frustrate things, I had planned for several items to be delivered to her during my absence. Amazon delivered two of them before I left, and the other won’t be until I am back….grrrr.

Having our daily rituals messed up throws off our check of each other and how we are doing. At best, we get a small fraction of our regular communication, which is not timely. It tosses a serious funk into our daily lives.

Yes, we share a common hobby/interest, but we are also a team. While this trip has presented to me with some incredible opportunities for photo adventures, I keep looking for babygirl to be right there. When I can’t find babygirl and the brain kicks in that she is over 1000 miles away, I get sad and want to throw down the camera.

When we go on our adventures, we are always watching out for each other, ready to back them up or intervene if one gets into a wrong spot. babygirl always watches out for me to be sure I am not overheated or dehydrated and applies sunscreen to me as I do her.

All of this has been “stupid” for two weeks, and we are hurting. babygirl “seems” to be handling things better, but babygirl may have better distractions or doesn’t let on. 

The day after I returned, I dropped by her place to visit and took her to lunch. babygirl warned me that she and her dogs would probably tackle me when I arrived. It was wonderful when they did as I missed all of them. Now she did give me a slight slap saying, “Bad Daddy for being away for so long”. I told her I deserved it. After giving her a few small gifts and a new stuffie, I took her to lunch at one of her favorite places. Once I buckled her seatbelt in the truck and we got going, it was like I hadn’t been away as we were back to normal. 

Thank you for reading my blog.

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One thought on “It’s so Stupid

  1. I really feel for you and babygirl being apart like that, and in an unexpected way. My Sir sometimes travels with his family and during those times, we are apart. I miss him desperately and the routines we share. But…it is always that much sweeter when he returns 🙂 XOXO


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