There are many types of Doms in the lifestyle. In one of my earlier chat sessions with babygirl, she called me a soft Dom. At first, I was a little put off by that comment as my view of a Dom was a tough persona and tended to lean towards being a true sadist. I listened to babygirl as she had more experience with the subject. I learned a fair amount between her descriptions and time spent with a google search. My original thought of a soft Dom being soft in the manner of too easygoing was totally off base. Instead, it is a culmination of the other forms but pulling the various aspects that fit our particular needs and wants.
Being aware that even in all forms of BDSM, there is no written or firm, this is how it must be, but they are guidelines or suggestions. Thus I take a little bit from all the groupings to meld into my constantly evolving style. This evolution is true of all Doms. In a later blog post babygirl made, she called me a “high energy pleasure Dom”. Now, this is where I wanted to head with regards to style. Her affirmation told me I was doing the right thing. Although I know I am still learning, babygirl and I are on the same journey, so we collaborate on something we desire to see and do in the lifestyle. The D/s engagement is not a journey of one and requires communication.
Our style involves various elements:
- service sub
- DD/lg in multiple forms
- various types of bondage
- impact play
- sensory deprivation
- sensory play
- forced orgasms
I am not so much into the strict service side of things, but I incorporate some aspects. Rituals are important because they set a structured rhythm and lead to a known stage. These elements come from many of the areas of BDSM. For example, babygirl wears a specific outfit and has our drinks ready when I arrive. Our usual ritual is with her watching me remove and set up toys and implements from my bag of tricks, otherwise known as the duffel. After we sit for a few minutes to chat, she sits on the floor to receive her collar for the evening. Her receiving and accepting the collar is an affirmation of her submission.
Impact play involves using objects to provide impact to her body. Usually, I spank with my hand and use a soft suede flogger. At times, I may utilize a riding crop for correction if she is bratty and fails to follow instructions. She is not fond of the crop or paddles. The use of any impact play is never done in anger as it destroys trust. Trust is a topic I am planning for a future post.
There are so many variations to choose from when I speak of bondage. I keep it simple since I have to transport my dungeon in a duffel bag. Wrist and ankle cuffs are used partly for symbolism and applied after the collar. The cuffs help position and restrict movement, sometimes with the help of a spreader bar. I have developed an easily deployed system to restrain her on the bed at a hotel that does not involve under the mattress straps but adjusts for positioning.
Sensory play and deprivation are two of babygirl’s favorite things. These forms of sensory play send babygirl very quickly into subspace, a place that babygirl loves to visit. There are times we add sound deprivation as well. A blindfold is a staple item in our play. I found a padded blindfold on Amazon that pads her eyes and doesn’t rub against her eyelids while blocking all light. The more blocked senses you have, the more sensitivity the other senses have. By doing this, her sense of touch is amplified, and she is not aware of what you are doing until you touch her. I build anticipation for what I may be doing. Teasing is a form of torment and has her writhing and begging very quickly.
I enjoy providing forced orgasms where she has no control while being restrained. Enforcing permission to orgasm adds another layer to our sessions. I may add a countdown from ten to zero before she can orgasm.
One aspect of what makes are as a D/s team is DD/lg, DD/lg is DaddyDom/little girl, a taboo area for many. It does not refer to incest or pedophilia in any way. It is dynamic for us where I am a caregiver and a strong, almost Daddy-like figure in her life. I will fiercely protect her and spoil her. We did not choose our names but let them be a natural response to our developing connection. While I set many of the rules, we set the others as a team. There are other aspects that we involve from the DD/lg world. babygirl also has a middle side that is very bratty in play.
Many Doms look down on the brat. We, babygirl, and I understand the brat and know when the brat will be allowed to play. Planning a session can have a portion dedicated to the brat. It usually involves wrestling and her “gaining” control. The control is permitted, and babygirl knows it is not actual control.
She also has a “little” side where coloring and stuffies exist. Little time is where I brush her hair and read to her and her favorite stuffie before bed. This dynamic occurs outside our regular BDSM play and is a safe time for her. We are both adamant that little time is totally non-sexual. That is a hard limit.
While we are not 24/7 in our D/s relationship, much of it still exists in our everyday life, enhancing our connection. Life has us living about an hour apart, making it a local, long-distance relationship.
The extraordinary connection we have beyond the bedroom is beyond what I thought it could be. Until I met babygirl, it didn’t get most of this. babygirl inspired me and has been crucial to my growth as a Dom. We, as a team, have both evolved.
As you can see, it is not a cut-and-dried dictionary definition, nor is it static. The addition of little time was my embracing of babygirl’s little side and a recent thing. Recognizing that this was important and supporting babygirls’ interests is part of my role as a Dom. That support of your submissive interests is so important to your connection.
I hope you enjoyed this blog entry on my journey. Feel free to share by posting on your social media. Please leave a reply below and follow.